Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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