sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
