He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
