Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
