We're like a lot better than the average bears
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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