Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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