You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
