I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
