I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
