I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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