My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
