I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
