just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
