I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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