why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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