It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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