he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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