That's intense
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
