You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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