no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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