Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
