Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
