who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
