he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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