I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
