I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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