Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
