it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
