I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
