Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
