I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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