I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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