that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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