How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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