Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
