I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize