I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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