making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
