Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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