chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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