I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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