Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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