I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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