I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
