Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
