started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
