Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
