I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
