It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
