You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
