Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
