Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
