Porn is love you can see.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
