This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
