Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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