In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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