So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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