her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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