I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no you cant smoke seaweed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
