I feel like abortions should bother me more
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
