i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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