There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
