I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
