when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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